Letting go of someone you love is one of the most difficult emotional challenges you can face and overcome in life. For many people, it’s more difficult than falling in love, and even more difficult than staying in a rocky, unstable relationship. As social animals, we subconsciously even tend to prefer a bad relationship to no relationship, which is why we sometimes do crazy things to get in touch with those we miss – stalking them online, asking for the t-shirt we forgot at their place even though we know we won’t wear it ever again, talking to our common friends etc.
There is a lot of confusion about what to do when you miss someone. Unfortunately, the human emotional experience doesn’t come with a manual. It’s live and learn, and sometimes live ten times and only then learn. Our habits die hard, and unless we pause and analyze our behaviors and feelings, we react in the same way over and over again.
In this article, we share with you 5 thought-provoking tips to help you to take a step back, evaluate, and understand your emotions better. They’ll help you move on faster and more easily – if that’s what you want to do, of course!
- Don’t fight your emotions
This is probably the least suggested yet the most effective advice on how to stop thinking about someone. Most of us try really hard to stop thinking about the person and in the process, we also fight all those emotions that come up along with our thoughts. We drink, we eat ice cream, we go shopping, we get a manicure, we watch reruns of old shows for hours, in sum we do anything and everything to numb ourselves so we don’t have to feel “negative.”
Numbing ourselves means there’s an underlying need to look strong, and that we have difficulty accepting our vulnerability and humanness. It means we are fighting our emotions in a roundabout way. The first step here is to realize that it’s okay to be sad – if you can allow it and let yourself be the saddest person on earth for a while, really deeply feel sadness in every bone and vein, that’s when it’ll transform into another emotion – most likely hope. But sadness, when fought against, turns into despair and prolonged depression.
If you are feeling angry, hopeless, jealous, let down, or any other unpleasant feeling, remember, you can be capable of tolerating unpleasantness. Learn to tolerate these feelings, and in fact find a way to truly accept and embrace them. Be negative for a while, so what? Wholesome means having both positive and negative together, as any “whole” has all its parts, light and dark, day and night.
Talk to a love psychic now
- Identify your feelings
Sometimes we don’t want to admit how we feel even to ourselves – so we go about our day knowing something is off, but we avoid identifying it. For example, you might be feeling like crying or having a strange feeling in chest when thinking about someone. But you have things to do, so you keep normalcy by keeping busy, running from meeting to meeting, taking care of house chores etc.
If you can take some time on your own, sit in a quiet room, meditate or do breathing exercises, it’ll be easier for you to identify your main feelings. You can also journal – write stream of consciousness, without editing or censoring. This is best done in the morning, right after you get up, and before coffee! At this still-sleepy time, your mind and ego will have difficulty stepping in and sabotaging your process.
You can also talk to a therapist, a relationship coach or a life psychic to identify your emotions. Identification will help you to truly feel what you feel, and if you don’t fight it (tip #1), your feelings can be transformed.
- Identify the deeper meanings
So, what does it mean when you dream about someone? Or when you genuinely complain “I can’t sleep because I can’t stop thinking?” The person you are not able to forget and let go of symbolizes something for your psyche. He or she might symbolize love and support. Or they might represent something negative, such as breach of trust. Regardless of what they symbolize for your psyche and subconscious, as long as you don’t identify the very thing they symbolize, it’ll linger. (and most likely, your next lover will repeat the cycle).
They could symbolize anything from your hatred of the opposite or same sex to your envy of successful people. The possibilities are endless, and none deserves to be judged or criticized. Our psyches have many layers and you’d be surprised by what would come from your very own depths!
If you dream of the person you want to let go of, take a piece of paper and pen and jot down all the adjectives you’d use to describe that person. Good and bad. All those adjectives represent parts of you – those parts of you disown, own, are proud of, or want to work on. This method should help you to find the deeper spiritual meanings of your dreams and thoughts.
What we’re trying to say is, sometimes it’s not about the person you miss. It’s about your psyche’s need to heal – with or without that person.
Talk to a love psychic now
- Put your ego aside
Your ego wants you to think you are important, that you matter. Of course, every human being matters, but our egos want us to really, really matter! So, they pick someone and want that particular someone to think we’re important. Ego insists because it has something to prove. It’s obsessive. You might constantly be asking yourself: does my ex think about me, does he dream about me, does she see other people already etc. The ego wants you to believe you left a mark on your ex. The opposite is just too painful.
As humans, we do all kinds of things throughout our lives to feel important. We’ll go to great lengths to achieve our fifteen minutes of fame or spend a whole lifetime trying to prove something, invent something, or fight against something. All because we want to feel that we contribute, that what we do matters. Our selfishness extends to our love life and we want to know we were the love of somebody’s life. Sometimes some of us get a bit too carried away with this idea and obsess over it.
What if you weren’t the love of your ex’s life? Would that really be that horrible a thing? And what if he or she isn’t the love of your life? Because how do you know whom you’ll meet next? You might be meeting your true soul mate next. So, don’t be so sure that your ex was the one. Things change, people change, circumstances change. Certainty is an ego thing – the heart is always open to mysteries and unknowns.
- Communicate how you feel
You’ve tried it all. You talked to friends, you cried, you got in touch with your feelings, you identified them, you expressed them, you transformed them. You worked with a relationship coach and/or a love psychic – you’ve done everything you could, yet your ex is still very much a part of your psyche. If this is the case, you might want to get in touch with him or her.
There’s nothing wrong with letting someone, including your ex, know you’re thinking about them by sending a short message such as I’ve been thinking about you or always thinking of you. If you had a long-term relationship or a deeply lived short one, you two have gotten to know one another, and so, such a message wouldn’t come across desperate. You’ve already peeked through one another’s hearts after all.
You could check with common friends first – but bear in mind your ex might not share with them how he or she feels either. Or, worse, knowing that they can tell you, he or she might make up stories about how his or her life is. So better contact your ex directly. Better check for yourself.
Checking with your ex one last time might help you to figure out what to do – get back together, or really move on. Sometimes it’s one last word no we need to hear to let go. And sometimes the other person misses us the same way we miss them. So, coming back together can be win-win.
Emotions are difficult to identify and to truly feel. Many of us have an inherent resistance to feeling negative emotions. It’s always helpful to work with a professional to expedite the post-breakup process. While the articles you find online, such as this one, will help guide you in some way, you need a personal advisor to do your own personal emotional work. Your story is unique – its details, how things evolved, what worked and didn’t work, might help shed light on your emotional blocks.
Work with an experienced therapist, a relationship coach, or a top-rated spiritual or love psychic. You can change advisors if you aren’t happy with the one you picked – remember this is about helping your process. You don’t owe anyone anything. And when you find someone who is able to help you to go deeper inside, make sure to get at least a few sessions to achieve consistency and stability. Healing takes work – give yourself what you need.
Talk to a love psychic now