Whether you have been dating and/or single for months; new to the world of dating due to a break-up or even a tragic loss. All humans in their search and quest for love, acceptance and that “special someone” tend to make these same mistakes. And although we are each unique in our approach to love, regardless of our sexual orientation. Just one mistake could cost us that potential or chance for connecting with a soul-mate. And even for those that are not necessarily seeking a life partner but more focused on romance and companionship, these 5 “rules” are still applicable. After all, the motivation and drive and certainly our heart’s desire and intention is to attract NOT detract a partner. So join me as I channel my guides and their insight and guidance into finding balance and of course, love!
1) Overplaying your hand AKA “the me too” syndrome; while it is certainly true in some instances it really does happen that we have much in common. It is more likely and realistic that we have some things in common and this is actually a positive trait. It is not always serving of our greater good to be with a person that we are looking towards for a romantic encounter (or more) for us to be absolutely identical. This is listed as the number 1 mistake because so many of us as humans are trying so hard to find love or romance and ease the loneliness that we quite often feel as social beings. Although our intentions may be honorable and some even feel it’s the polite way of responding by agreeing to enjoy anything from movies to race car driving or rock climbing. What happens in these situations is our energy comes across as desperate and often fake or phony. For example those that have experience snow skiing can easily detect a novice or one who has never been. Then the first encounter becomes clouded with the feeling of pretense and for some even lies. While it’s great to share common interests, it’s also okay to explore each other and various goals, experiences and our unique interests. For that first date or that first face to face experience it is the goal for most that this can be the beginng and a second, third and even more dates are sure to follow. While our exuberance and desire to form a connection can often overpower our common sense or ability to relax and simply be our self; this is the only way a true or real bond can be formed. You can make the best impression by simply being yourself! Even if that means not being a fan of certain sports or enjoying particular events. Keep in mind that whether a fun romance or a potential life partner, the connection is based on our spiritual bond and not how much or loud we laugh at their jokes or being overzealous in our drive to find our match.
2) It’s been a rough life; can you believe he/she did this? Of course part of getting to know someone is to “swap stories” and share information about our past and present. And there are certainly some things that need to be shared; even on the first date if this was done previously. For example single parents often feel it’s important to share this fact up front and my guides tend to agree. Although there is always a chance you may never see this person again, that is information that if withheld could easily be misconstrued later on. However too many of us feel the need to “purge” or elicit compliments. This is accomplished by regaling ever tale or reliving the past memories of relationships. Not only is this not a spiritually healthy way of sharing for those so quick to divulge what should be intimate and personal details, it simply doesn’t leave the type of impression most of us would like. If for example a female begins conversations or redirects such to how this man cheated on her, and another was married, someone else just stopped calling after a few months with no explanation, etc. It puts your date and potential partner in an awkward situation, whatever potential may have existed is almost always extinguished as the date is now being forced to focus on what might be “wrong” with you. And yes we have all heard the amazing stories of two soul-mates that meet and spend hours talking about their lives’ and it all feels so very right. Even in that situation chances are the conversation is less about past relationships and more about the person’s path till now. Think of dating; regardless of the outcome as the perception of energy which is above and beyond our personal style, career or other external influences. And when we are seeking love, romance, companionship or even a life partner our energy will ultimately be that which we are judged or that which transmits to the other person if there is even a second date, let alone a possible future. There will be plenty of time to share any/all negative experiences if that has been your prior past, a first date should be light, easy with conversations that are unbiased and good boundaries.
3) The over-confident, flirtatious or attention seeker; while many often relate this more to males than females; females are just a bit more coy. They often attempt to disguise what is actually rude and without honor where males do tend to be a bit more obvious. Imagine a date is going extremely well; you and your date have enough in common to carry on a stimulating and interesting experience. So far there feels to be chemistry and a spiritual connection and it feels this could possibly lead to something more. And then it happens; the male blatantly watches a female walking by and even comments to you about her “assets”. Like a bucket of cold water, this date, and the person accompanying you feel to have totally shifted energies. Or perhaps you are the female and happen to notice a table of men “ogling” you. Rather than adjusting your seat so you are not forced to make eye contact you do the opposite. You smile, wink, perhaps show your legs or by sending those signals you welcome their attention. While we are all a bit different with what is considered acceptable or not when it comes to flirting or garnering attention; rare is the person that approves of such on a first date. Once again aside from the actions or comments, the energy this emits is the exact opposite of that which is conducive to getting to know someone. Yet over and over males and females, heterosexuals and homosexuals destroy any potential or the chance of moving ahead over what is rude and selfish. The intention in these scenarios is insecurity and lack of a healthy self-image, identity and spiritual connection. For those that are balanced and spiritually healthy, their attention remains on their date, whether boring or fabulously interesting. If you are so inclined to flirt, even on a date, you are probably not ready for even the most casual of relationships.
4) Ignoring the warning bells or dismissing those serious signs and symbols; I also refer to these as the “bomb drops”. As things seem to be going well, good conversation and both enjoying whatever plans were made, your date (or perhaps you) slips in a confession. These are not the topic of conversation, instead the opposite is true. The person is very aware that their “bomb” is of a serious enough matter to have the potential to prohibit any further dates. And not only is this warning bell something we need to hear, we are actually lucky in the sense we are being given the information up front! Of all the 5 mistakes, this one can be the most subjective and the most disconcerting. First consider the person that without any intro just drops into conversation information that many would find quite disturbing. That in of itself is cause for alarm. The most common of these is the admission of being married- and of course they have practiced their lines so as to make this appear quite trivial. And my guides do not make judgments, however a person whom is married or living with a romantic partner simply is unable to give the time, attention and support that a relationship requires, even a close friendship. Other examples are those that are chronically unemployed yet have the means to date. Although many of us are not superficial, the physical world we live in does require money and other than a disability, long term unemployment usually signals a deeper or greater issue. I live in my parents/mother/father’s basement. Again while certainly there can be valid reasons for this, it should still ring that bell and requires further investigation before continuing with any relationship. No matter what is “dropped” the concern is for those that in their desperation to find a partner, love and perhaps a soul mate. These humans are willing to ignore the signs or even the confessional with justifications and using their resources and ignoring their spiritual guidance, insight and intuition for the chance of love. It is much easier to extricate one’s self after ONE date than to cling to unsupported hopes and dreams and the connection has grown.
5) The spiritual and emotional mechanic; this is the human that no matter how strong the warning or bomb or any signs that are not in alignment with the pursuit of love. This is very similar to my last article; we should never sacrifice our soul for a soul mate. The “mechanic” uses dysfunctional coping skills, ignoring everything past and present and using all available tools to convince both self and the other person everything is fixable. However the truth is many are not. Patterns, habits, styles of coping and ingrained personal styles. However as all of our list points out the lure, the vision, the dream of finding love and whether a companion or actual life partner. While compromise once we are in such a relationship always serves the greater good, taking on someone new with the idea that we are equipped and capable of making significant changes only leads us to chaos, disaster and eventually heartbreak.
While there are of course more than just 5 mistakes all humans are prone to make on a date or in dating; this gives us a place to begin and a chance to review each to be as certain we are not making such mistakes. Love will always require risks, but the first date should never be the start of such. Dating should be fun, exciting and filled with exploration and adventure. And we should always keep our own soul close and intact as we navigate through~